June 07, 2004

You Get What You Pay For

So, I'm with my nephew in the dollar store, mainly because where else can you find that fine German candy, obergrubben? (slogan: You Vill Eat it NOW!!) As I'm looking around, I spot it. There, between the British hand soap and the deodorant with the label in Arabic--a pregnancy test. At the dollar store.

And I have to wonder to myself...Is this a good seller for them? Are there a lot of women out there who are thinking "Oh my God...I'm late! I better get to the dollar store...pronto"? Is this really the place where you want to cut corners, ladies?

I stood there for a while, contemplating just what kind of pregnancy test could be had for $1. Honestly, I would have bought it just to find out, if I didn't think I'd end up looking like some kind of cad. (I'm not sure there's more than one kind of cad, but if there is, buying your girlfriend a pregnancy test at the dollar store makes you the worst kind.) I imagine you would open the box and find nothing but a 3"x5" card with the following:

1. Stand up.

2. Look down.

3. Can you see your feet?
If you answer no, skip ahead to #5.

4. Repeat in one month.

5. You may be pregnant...or just really large-breasted. Either way, Congratulations!!
* results not 100%. Consult your physician.

Anyway, today's lesson...Light bulbs, toothpaste, candles? Okay at the dollar store. Home pregnancy kits? Not so much.


  1. Anonymous9:45 PM

    Dude, easy on bashing the dollar store pregnancy test. My wife and I have bought them and they work just as good as any brand on the market. Just because they don't cost as much doesn't mean they aren't any good. Try 'em you might like 'em.


  2. Nah,
    I say make fun of them. And I know from pregnancy tests! Too bad, though, you didn't get a pregnancy test with the instructions in Arabic (would there be such a thing?).