September 04, 2004

Holy F***ing Sh*t!

I have no idea what to even say about this.


  1. You know, there's been this real tall guy dressed in black armor and robes with some kind of obvious pulmonary problem and a voice not too unlike the voice-over on the CNN commercials following me around the past few weeks.

    He keeps tellin' me I'll have a place in the royal court of some guy named Palpatine -- which is supposedly located on another planet called Coruscant -- if I give him information about Earth, assuming said information leads to what he calls "the successful imperialization of this backwater world for the greater glory of the Galactic Empire." Huh?

    At first, I thought he was just some loon in a bad Halloween custome who escaped from the local mental ward, but then he offered me $500,000 and what he calls a "harem of Twi'lek dancing girls" for my services so, like, what was I gonna do? Say no?

    Also, whenever I don't give him his reports in a timely fashion, he makes a fist in the air and I start choking -- even when I'm standing on the other side of the room. Then he flattens his hand, the choking stops, and he says, "Don't fail me again... Insurrectionist."

    And I don't even want to get started on all the weird guys who follow him around wearing gray military uniforms or white battle armor and call him "My Lord."

    I wonder if this is all somehow connected to these signals SETI is picking up...

  2. It's kinda cool because we may be witness to either the greatest discovery in all of human history...or a cosmic burp.

  3. Maybe if it is aliens, they won't be totally aggressive and try to take us over, but will be pragmatic and instead opt to wipe out the terrorists with their advanced technology.

    Oh, wait. Forget I ever said that.

    Then all the nuts out there who believe Bush Sr.'s "New World Order" was actually a covert plot headed by H-Dubya and a bunch of guys like the Cigarette Smoking Man from the "The X-Files" will come out and say, "We told you so! Bush Sr. is in league with the aliens and is helping them colonize the planet! Now, since he got thrown out of office before he could finish the job, he's just doing it through his son!"

    There's some real "interesting" people out there.