11. "...Because after every trip to my end zone, he'd start high-fiving me!"
10. "Believe me, I left as soon as I realized they were playing man-to-man!"
9. "Now that's what I call a backfield in motion!"
8. "Punter? I nearly killed her!" (Yeah, I know I used it below, but it was too good to leave off.)
7. "She got me for 'Illegal use of hands'."
6. "It was awful. I kept having to call a time out so he could 'ice the kicker' if you know what I mean."
5. "I came home early, and found him 'roughing the passer.'"
4. "That's okay, baby...I play better on a muddy field."
3. "After I scored, I waited for her room mate to come home, so I could 'go for two.'"
2. "He used to be a tight end...now he's a wide receiver."
1. "Gee, Mike, when you said you wanted me to 'toss the pigskin,' I thought you wanted to play catch!"