Frank Drebin, RIP.

The world is now a less funny place.

My Travel Policy

If you touch my junk, I'm gonna have you arrested. No, wait...not "arrested." Sorry. I meant "rewarded."

It's All Greek To Me

Followers of a religion have a right to build a church anywhere they want.
Rebuilding, apparently, is a different story.

"former Gov. George E. Pataki and a Greek-American Congressional candidate...make their case: Government officials who appear to be clearing the way for the center, which includes a mosque, are blocking the reconstruction of St. Nicholas Church, the only house of worship destroyed in the terrorist attacks."

It's Orthodox Greekaphobia!!

The Party of No...Coverage, That Is.

Can we please dispense with the idea that the Republicans have no ideas for the economy? Please?

Why has this not been getting press? Ryan is one of the smartest guys on the hill.

Where's Michael Moore When You Need Him?

Remember when President Bush got roundly criticized for golfing instead of running the country?

The Telegraph does.

Mr Obama's Sunday golf game prompted anger in Poland, where the Warsaw Business Post carried a headline reading: "Obama goes golfing instead of attending Kaczynskis' funeral".

Yeah, That's RIght...Screw You AND Bullwinkle!

Monkeys hate flying squirrels, report monkey-annoyance experts

Fuck Off, Switzerland

I mean, why bother extraditing a rapist? It's not like he was a danger, you know? I mean, she wanted it, and besides, she set him up for the money. And I'm sure if we ask two of his other victims, they'd say the same thing.

Latest Polanski Accuser: 'I Was Raped Repeatedly'

...or maybe not.

Channeling Mandy Patinkin

"They keep on using that word. I do no think it means what they think it means."

Transparency: noun; the condition of being transparent.
Transparent: adj; open to public scrutiny.

Yippie-Kay-Ay, Perfumesniffer!

Just in case you wondered what "badass" smells like... (hopefully not like bad ass.)

"Bruce Willis cologne: when you want to blow shit up, but smell good doing it."

Healing Hands of Time, My Ass

Two things I've learned from this: 1) Will Smith
apparently never ages, possibly because of a portrait hidden in his
attic, and 2) Matt Dillon was once a lovely young lady.

35 Teen Idols Then and Now

An Inconvenient Masseuse?

Looks like there's something else he should have kept in a lockbox.

Granted, it's the Enquirer, but they've been pretty good with this sort of thing.

No Rants. No Funny.

My good friend Ken Wheaton is running in a half-marathon to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives. Please help him raise money for this excellent cause! You can donate any amount, and I'm sure he'll be appreciative for even a $5 donation. You can read more (and donate) at his Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's (LLS) Team In Training page.

LOST and Confused

I think my feelings about the series finale of "LOST" would be best expressed through interpretive dance...no, wait. Not interpretive dance. That would require kicking myself in the nuts several times. The second best expression would be through a new theme song. Like one of those ones from the 60s and 70s, where you had to explain the concept in the song itself. So here it is. You all know the tune.

Now sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,

A tale of a fateful trip.

That started from Australia

Aboard this flying ship.

Hugo was a mighty wealthy man,

The doctor brave and fair.

Six passengers took flight that day

On Oceanic Air. On Oceanic Air.

The sky was getting turbulent;

The plane was torn in two.

The pilot died from injuries,

And Kate’s armed escort, too. And Kate’s armed escort, too.

The plane touched down on the beach of an uncharted tropic isle.

With Doctor Jack

And Sawyer too

The crippled guy and his chair.

The pregnant girl,

Polar bears, black smoke too

What will these characters do?

So join us here each week my friends,

You’re sure to feel abused,

If nothing is explained on LOST

The viewer just gets used.

Go Figure

Should I be surprised that a President without any previous executive experience would pick a nominee without any judicial experience for the Supreme Court?

Mmmmm.....Pie

Well, I'm glad to see that the AP is going after those hard-hitting Obama stories:


White House adviser spills secret: Obama loves pie!

Also, I'm sure, back rubs, kittens, and long walks in the rain.

If They Had Only Read It First

Well, as Nancy Pelosi said, they passed it so we could see what's in it. From the Washington Examiner: Five things we learned about Obamacare after it passed. Check out this gem:

Despite all of Obama's promises and talking points, Obamacare as passed by Congress does not require insurers to cover children with expensive pre-existing medical conditions.

I'd Fly A Mile (High) For A Camel

I'm sure you've all heard about the Qatari diplomat who was caught smoking on a commercial flight and then joked that he was trying to light his shoes, a reference to Richard Reid, the "shoe bomber."

It seems there was a rumor that the diplomat had (or said he had) a particularly pungent bowel movement and was just lighting a match to get rid of the smell. I find this really hard to believe, as every diplomat I've ever met firmly believes his shit don't stink.

Really?

So, according to an Easter Rasmussen poll, 99% of Evangelicals, 92% of Catholics, and 88% of other protestants believe Jesus is the son of God. Here's a little news flash for the other 1%/8%/12%:

If you don't believe Jesus is the son of God, then you ain't Evangelical/Catholic/other protestant. That's just the way it works. Believing in the divinity of Jesus Christ is the core belief of Christianity. That's why they call it "Christianity" and not "Random Beliefism." Oh, sure. I hear what you're saying. You go to church every week and say your prayers. But honestly? If you're going to church once a week and talking to a god you don't believe is actually there? You're just a socialite with a mental condition.

No No No No No!!!

Just saw a Dodge commercial with the line "and oh yeah--it literally gave birth to all other minivans."

If I have to explain to you why this is so wrong, you won't care that it is.

It's All In The Slogan

Toyota: There's No Stopping Us!!