Blah Blah Blah Ingrid Haas!

Ingrid Haas (whom I've posted about before) could possibly be the hottest woman on the planet. Even with a possible fictional venereal disease. Check her out in the short film "Blessing in Disguise."


Blessing in Disguise from Eric Kissack on Vimeo.

"Katie just found out that she has an incurable venereal disease. Enter the man of her dreams."

She Haas Me At @ihaas

Okay, I'll admit it--I'm completely smitten with Ingrid Haas. You might know her from the cross-country ATT commercial (see below), which is now my favorite commercial...although I generally hate them, so being my favorite isn't all that hard, I guess. Anyway, she has a new, improved look on her website, so check it out. But beware--those dimples are like black holes. You may never leave.


You can also follow her on Twitter at @ihass (which accounts for my tortured movie reference of a headline).

A Shameless Request

My friend Angela is in the running to be one of Maxim magazine's "hometown hotties." Now Angela certainly is a hottie, but she's also a great person, and I'd love to see her win this one. All you have to do to help her out is to click on the link below and then click "vote for me." You can vote every day until the contest is over. Go Angela!!

Vote for Angela, the hottest of the hometown hotties!

Touched By An Angel. (Hey, Shut Up! A Guy Can Dream, Can't He?)

I don't have high hopes for the new version of "Charlie's Angels." Let's face it--despite being the driving force behind my transition into puberty, the original wasn't exactly "Masterpiece Theater." But since I would watch Minka Kelly read from the phone book for an hour, you can bet your sweet speakerphone I'll be tuning in.

In fact, the only thing that would make me miss the season opener of "Charlie's Angels" would be that "24-hour Eva Mendes rope skipping" channel I've been working on.

Now start with the "A"s...and speak verrry slooowly

Fuck You, Academy

This is why I hate the Oscars. I'm watching the DVR of last night's events and I notice that they failed to include Farrah Fawcett in their "In Memoriam" section of the show. I figured it had to be some oversight on their part, but no--I do a quick search and find out that not only am I apparently the last person to notice this, the Academy has claimed it's NOT an oversight, saying “unfortunately we don’t include everyone.” They saw their way clear to include Michael Jackson, though. Apparently, his performance in The Wiz, alongside Nipsy Russel, was enough of a film credit to qualify him. And I'm sure that's what everyone thinks of when they hear his name. "Michael Jackson? Isn't he the guy that played Scarecrow in that delightful Broadway version of The Wizard of Oz?" I just can't fathom why they would leave her out. I have seen some people speculate that she was a "television actress" and therefore shouldn't have been included. Again, I would point out Jackson's inclusion, but I would also mention that not only was she a member of the Academy for 40 years*, but she starred in such critically acclaimed films as Extremities and The Apostle, for which she was nominated for a Golden Globe and Independent Spirit Award, respectively. She most definitely should have been included, and frankly, this just adds insult to injury, as I feel her passing was all but forgotten when Jackson died the same day.

Fuck you, Academy. Fuckyou fuckyou fuckyou.

* Unlike, apparently, Sean Penn, who was invited to join in 2004, but according to his own rambling, incoherent narrative last night never became an "official" member. I'm pretty sure that anything other than an "official" member means "not a member." At least that's what they told me when I tried to justify hanging around the girls' swim team locker room by calling myself a member of the team.

Jealousy, Thy Name Is WaPo

So what if The Washington Post tries to marginalize Hannah Giles by making sure you know her father is "Doug Giles of the radical Clash Church in Miami," and that she "spent the summer learning about how to be a journalist from conservative media experts"? At least they're being consistant. I mean, we all remember all those WaPo articles that reminded voters of Barack Obama's Muslim father and stepfather, and his religious education at the hands of Reverend Wright, right?


(scratches head) Right?


Oh well, maybe they're just jealous.

Curse You, Lorne Michaels!!!

So...it appears that Casey Wilson (and Michaela Watkins) have gotten the Saturday Night Live hook. As some of you readers may know, I have a bit of a thing for Casey Wilson. Well..."bit of a thing/unhealthy obsession," "poTAYto/poTAHto." But it's totally in a non-stalkery way. (Although Casey, if you read this, and you're in the market for a stalker, I have some evenings free, and my own car and binoculars...call me.)

I'm a little upset by it all. I know Casey gets slammed in internet comments (there's a great video of her reading said comments out there), but I always looked forward to every sketch she was in. What do I have to look forward to now? Huh? Tell me that, Lorne Michaels...TELL ME THAT! Yet another sketch where Kristin Wiig acts weird and twitchy? I think not. Darrell Hammond doing some sort of impression? Okay, some of those are kind of funny...but NO!

You have cut me, Sir. Cut me to the quick. And I'm not sure that an SNL without Casey Wilson is an SNL that I particularly want to watch. And I even watched the Robin Duke/Tim Kazurinsky years.

Have you no shame, Sir?

Heaven Must Have Been Missing An Angel

I had this poster on my wall. It got me through puberty. Rest in peace, Angel.

Saturday Night Not-So-Live

My thoughts on SNL as I watch the episode I DVRed last night:

Opening: I can imagine the memo...
"Continuing the long-standing tradition of SNL making fun of American presidents, our opener will take a shot at President Obama. Writers, please note--we will not be doing anything that makes Obama himself look bad. Biden? Sure. George Bush? Even better."

Monologue: If jokes are a little lame, a "So Barack Obama is president" comment always works. "San Dimas High School football rules!!" (obscure movie reference)

Edible Pampers: Laughed a little; lost appetite a lot.

MacGruber: What a waste of Richard Dean Anderson. You get MacGuyver and that's the best you can do?

Super Bowl Bar: Not so great. Martin's character seemed a little out of place.

Digital Shorts - Laser Cats 4: KILL...KILL...LOVE. Awesome!

Issues: Oh, Casey Wilson...even with "permples" on your face, you are enchanting! When will you give up this comedy thing and settle down with a nice boy who occasionally writes about pining for you in his blog?

MacGruber 2: Still a waste.

Bernie Madoff Super Bowl Party: Cute, but suffers from the occasional SNL problem of "let's play the one note to death."

Cast Members/Steve Martin Orgy: NOOOOOOOO!!!! Why, Casey Wilson, Why? Damn you, Martin! I hate you with the heat of a thousand white hot suns!!
The singing was nice.

MacGruber 3: Pepsi pepsi waste pepsi.

Jason Mraz: He's always good live. No exception here.

Weekend Update:

1. Guys, making fun of Blago doesn't work, as Blago himself does it better than anyone.
2. The Angelina Jolie baby search - either kind of funny, or just seems so compared to the rest.
3. David Patterson - They've got some guts, going with this skit after they got so much flak last time. I thought it was funny, but I kept wondering if it would play outside of New York. Is Patterson well-known outside NY?
4. Jersey jokes are always funny.
5. I heard Lorne Michaels hates it, but I always like it when cast members break up.

Store Makeup: Casey Wilson and Steve Martin - "It really makes my lips look moist." "Your face looks much more like a baby's fanny now." My god, get a room you two...I am sooo over you, Casey Wilson. (Just kidding. You're still my comedy goddess. Call me?)

Steve Martin Banjo: I love when Steve Martin plays the banjo. Nice song, too, but I saw the punchline coming. I also would have liked more playing, less singing.

Forefathers of the Game: Hahahaha...."of course we were upset! He had a great arm and a GUN!" Best skit so far. Reminded me a little of Woody Allen's Zelig.

Jason Mraz 2: See Jason Mraz 1 above.

More Modifications

I think, anyway. I saw this picture, and I can't tell if this is an optical illusion, or a case of retouching gone awry. It's a picture of actress Danica McKeller. Take a look at her right leg...


That's right...you can't. It doesn't seem to be there. It could, as I said, be an optical illusion, but there doesn't seem to be enough space between her left foot and the wall behind her to hide her right one. Nor does that dress seem to be loose enough for her to have lifted her leg behind her (for whatever reason). Comments?

A (Modified) Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Megan Fox is beautiful, no doubt about it, but sometimes even the beautiful get some help. You can see from these two photos the adjustments that were made, most notably removing the edge of the tattoo on her arm, giving her more cleavage, and making her right arm thinner. Here's photo 1:

And the touched up photo 2:


And I put together a little animated GIF file to help you see the changes. (Just click on it.)

It's not often I get to inform AND post pictures of scantily-clad actresses. Life is good.

CLARIFICATION: I'm not the one who made these changes. I'm not sure where or for whom they were taken. My understanding is that the altered image was the one used and the other was the original photo as taken. My point was to show how nit-picky the media can be with their retouching of photos.

Why Brian Austin Green Is The Luckiest Man Alive

Gulp!

For those following the "Brian Austin Green luckiest man" Google search here, I apologize. The above link was to a smoking hot picture of Megan Fox. It's no longer there. But I have confidence that you can find any number of smoking hot pictures of Megan Fox out there if you try.

Eh...

So I watched the season premiere of Saturday Night Live last night. Random thoughts:

1) Tina Fey really does look a lot like Sarah Palin. It freaked me out a little at first.

2) Speaking of Sarah Palin, they didn't give her too hard of a time. I think there was maybe a half-dozen or so. And I could count the Obama jokes on one hand. Oh no, wait...no I couldn't BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T ANY!! Not one. (Maybe I missed one...anyone?) I find that a little strange that this close to a presidential election that SNL chose to poke fun at only the Republican VP candidate. Granted, the opening sketch also made fun of Hillary "third place" Clinton, but she's not running, is she.

3) Casey Wilson is hot in that "Will you be my girlfriend and wear oversized tee shirts and white socks a lot?" kind of way.

4) What was going on with that camera work? Whoever was running things seemed to have them on the wrong person, and things seemed to be framed oddly.

5) The joke they stole from themselves (the locker room pep talk, originally with Peyton Manning) was weak. It's a long drive to the punchline, and when you know what's coming it's even longer.

6) Phelps stumbled once or twice, but did better than I thought he would. He's no Manning, though. (Manning's fake United Way commercial for SNL is hysterically funny.)

7) Really? No Obama jokes? In the couple of months you've been off the air, you couldn't come up with one thing to poke fun at? You couldn't get Tim Meadows to come back and do a bowling sketch or something?

8) Making fun of home schooling AND public education...sweet.

There Are Probably A Few Sarah Palin Bikini Photos Out There Somewhere...

...but this isn't one of them.

The picture, allegedly of Palin in a red, white, and blue bikini, holding a gun has been "making the rounds." In the digital age, people should really know better, but I've already seen a number of posts on various sites describing the photo and then demanding "explain that!"

One word...photoshop.

Right Wing News has the goods on the fake and the original.

Why I Like Sarah Palin

I'll add to this as I think of things.

1. She's hot. Hair-up, glasses, naughty-librarian hot. (I had to get that one out of the way. C'mon, you knew I was thinking it.)

2. She plays nice with others.
She's teamed up with Democrats, and gone up against Republicans. Nice.

3. She follows through on her campaign promises. (She lowered her salary and reduced property taxes by 60%.)

4. She makes real change, railing against wasteful spending and unethical politicians, even those on the same side of the aisle. She gets things accomplished...and quickly.

5. She can see the difference between her personal beliefs and those of her constituents. (For example, she believes marriage should be between a man and a woman, but has vetoed a measure that would deny benefits to same-sex couples.)

6. Experience? If you measure experience in terms of accomplishments (see 2-5) as opposed to simple time frames, I'd say she's not nearly as inexperienced as her critics would lead you to believe.

7. She seems very practical. I really like that. Her history seems to indicate that she does what needs to be done, what's best for the people, not necessarily the party.

More on Experience

I was reading Linda Bergthold on HuffPo regarding Sarah Palin. I'm always struck by that attitude (and maybe it's the circles I move in, but I see it sooooo much more in Dems) when someone believes in something so completely that they can't even imagine that someone would see it differently. I see it a lot in reporters and academics. Regardless, I really had a hard time with Bergthold's piece:

I think we will look back at today as the day when the Republicans most certainly lost the Presidency.

I think she's half-right. This is the day that decides the election. I'm just not so sure this is going down as a loss for the Republicans.

In choosing Sarah Palin of Alaska for Vice President, the Republicans have made a cynical but clever choice. At least they think it is clever. She is a woman, young (44 years old)

So...she's a young, good-looking minority...

a Governor (only two years)

So...she's run a state. (The largest one in the nation, by the way. More than twice as large as the next largest.) And Obama has run how many states? (Hint: it rhymes with "zero.")

a mother (five children)

So...check me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure Obama hasn't passed up a chance to get his two moppets in front of the cameras, to show what a great family man he is. Frankly, I'm impressed that she can run a family of five and hold down a job like Governor.

pro-life, and pro-gun.

Yes she is...that's why she's a Republican.

But what is she not? She is NOT pro-choice.

What?! How dare she?! You mean a woman might find abortion wrong? (See. This is that lack of acknowledgement of the other side of the argument that I was talking about.)

She has NO national experience. She has never been under the intense scrutiny of a national campaign.

This is true. You could say that she is a change from those same old politicians that we're all used to. You might even say she is a change we can believe in.

She is under investigation for some incident in Alaska that is messy and personal.

I'm sure any pertinent details about this will come out, but I would be careful dwelling on this if I were the Obama campaign, especially considering the stench of scandal after scandal around Obama himself.

She has no international experience. Her experience governing is in a very small state,

As opposed to Obama's vast international experience, I guess. How many times did he go to the Middle East, again? And as I pointed out, Alaska is the largest state. I think what Bergthold means is a sparsely-populated state. But even then, it's more populous than Wyoming, Vermont, and North Dakota, and it's in the same neighborhood as South Dakota...oh, and Deleware--the state represented by VP candidate Joe Biden.

famous for its "Bridge to Nowhere" kind of political graft. Her Republican colleague in that state, Senator Ted Stevens has been indicted for corruption.

Now Bergthold is just being intelectually dishonest. She's trying to associate Palin with Stevens, graft, and the "Bridge to Nowhere," as if Palin is guilty by association. Nothing could be further from the truth. I think it's a stretch to even call Stevens a "colleague." Palin is well-known for fighting (with Democrat Eric Croft, with whom she filed an ethics complaint against State Attorney General Gregg Renkes) against ethics violations and "pork" projects. "In the roughly three years since she quit as the state's chief regulator of the oil industry, Palin has crushed the Republican hierarchy," and she enjoys--depending on what poll you look at--somewhere between a 70-90 percent approval rating. The truth is that while Obama likes to talk about change, Sarah Palin has already implemented many changes of that type. Oh, and I'll give you one guess which Alaska governor cancelled that "Bridge to Nowhere" that Bergthold mentioned...

I think Bergthold needs to check her pants...something smells like it's on fire.

I like Palin. If this election is about change, the one who really represents change and reform is Sarah Palin. I think the Dems made a huge mistake in not including Hillary Clinton on the ticket, and it opened the door for Sarah Palin. But that's how these things work--chance. If not for a speech given at the 2004 Democratic Convention, there's not a chance in hell that Barack Obama would be where he is now.

By the way...all this "no one knows her" business? Notice the date and title of the Weekly Standard article I linked to above: "The Most Popular Governor" 7/16/07 (emphasis mine).

UPDATE: Someone pointed out to me that despite Bergthold trying to link the "Bridge to Nowhere" to Palin (she, in fact, canceled it), maybe we should lay it in the lap of those who voted for it...including Senator Barack Obama. (According to factcheck.org, McCain "tried, unsuccessfully, to add a 'sense of the Senate' amendment to the bill, stating a general objection to earmarks; in the end he voted against the legislation.")

And You Never Let Robin Drive the Batmobile

I think the Obama campaign is going to have a tough time criticizing the choice of Sarah Palin as VP, considering Obama himself has experience issues.

The McCain ticket is Batman and Robin. The Obama ticket is Robin and Batman.

Could Be My Shortest Post Ever

Misty and Kerry win gold. Wearing white bikinis. In the rain.

Is this Beijing...or heaven?

UPDATE: This might not be my shortest post anymore, but I was just re-reading it and realized it sounded like some kind of beach volleyball haiku.

It's a Long Drive for That Joke.

So I just finished my first fantasy football draft of the season. That started me thinking about fantasy sports in general, and then I was watching the Olympics.

So here's my fantasy team:
Alicia Sacramone - Gymnastics
Misty May-Treanor - Beach Volleyball
Kerri Walsh - Beach Volleyball
Logan Tom - Volleyball
Jen Joines - Volleyball
Stephanie Rice - Swimming
Jennie Finch - Softball

Now if I could just come up with a fantasy sports team...

The Agony of Da Feet

Well, it looks like the U.S. ladies lost the gold to the Chinese gymnasts, whose team apparently consists of a couple of infants, and possibly a zygote. I'm not saying they're young, but I'm pretty sure one of them was going through some kind of mitosis between the second and third rotations.

My heart breaks for Alicia Sacramone, and not just because she's smokin' hot. (See "The Thrill of Victory" below.) She had a few mistakes, and you could just see the anguish in her face. I don't know if the U.S. would have won if she hadn't made those errors, but she took the loss of gold on her shoulders.

Alicia, I know it was the Olympics, and at 20, I know it's probably your last, but still...you helped your team win a silver medal--doing things on a four inch beam that most people can't do on solid ground, no less. Everyone has a bad day once in a while. It reminds me of something my grandfather used to say: "sometimes you eat the b'ar, and sometimes the b'ar eats you."