Apparently, Bush-Bashing Can Be Funny

Or so I've read. Just looked through a CBS.com reprint of an article by Katha Pollitt, originally for The Nation. It's titled "Bashing the Bush-Bashers," something she never seems to actually do. The main point seems to be that: yes, there are a bunch of people out there who fanatically hate George Bush, but lighten up people! The right takes it too seriously. At least the left has a sense of humor!

Near the end of the article I ran across this gem:

It's really a stretch to suggest that the newly awakened anti-Bush advocates are just the lefty equivalent of the hard-right disinformation machine. Al Franken is no Bill O'Reilly. The New York Times editorial page equates MoveOn PAC's ads with those of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, and it's true both are funded through gaps in campaign-finance laws, and both attack the enemy candidate on his war record. But the Swift Boat vets' charges are a mess of smears and lies with Karl Rove's fingerprints all over them, while MoveOn's ads raise genuine questions about Bush's service record that have never been answered.

Whoooohooooohooooo! Aw, Jeez...Stop! I'm bustin' a gut here! I guess they DO have a sense of humor, after all. I...Huh? That part was supposed to be serious? You're kidding, right? Well, I wish they'd make up their damn minds...

Check me if I'm wrong, but didn't MoveOn start as a push for Congressional censure of President Clinton, so that the country could "move on to more important matters than a president lying under oath"? It seems to me, then, that MoveOn should be right in line with the Swift Boat Vets--pushing for John Kerry to release all his military records so that the truth can be discovered and the country can "move on" to more important issues.

But I guess they're a long way from that little "bipartisan, grassroots" organization, what with accepting illegal contributions from overseas, and those paltry contributions from people like George Soros and his wife, Progressive Corp's Peter Lewis, and Linda Pritzker, of the Hyatt family. They don't have an agenda, right? They don't smear, or lie, or obfuscate, right?

Riiiiiiight.... As my dad says, "If you believe that, I've got a bridge I'd like to sell you."

I do have a sense of humor, but occasionally, I am Dead Serious.

Quote Of The Day: Joe Wells

I like football. I liked playing it; I like watching it. And I'm a Pittsburgh Steelers fan. Always have been. It was watching Lynn Swann catch a football that did it, although these days, I have trouble watching those old clips without hearing the distinctive tones of the late, great John Facenda in my head, accompanied by an orchestra version of "What do you do with a Drunken Sailor?"

It starts with a whistle...and ends with a gun. 60 minutes of close-in action from kickoff to touchdown. A call. The ball is snapped and the play continues. A drama of man on man and a race against the clock. It's precision, persistence, power. The unleashed speed of the kickoff. The whistling feet of a great runner. The reckless fury of a goal-line stand. The crowning glory of a winning touchdown. The swelling roar of the crowd... This is pro football. The sport of our time.

Ed Sabol of NFL Films, Inc once said about Facenda: "He could make a laundry list sound like the Constituion." I don't think I can disagree.

Digressions aside, the Steelers have been up and down since those magical seasons of the '70s. But Joe Wells points out that second-year defensive back Troy Polamalu has finally found the secret formula of defense, which I hope will bring the Steelers back to the top again.

What's the magic formula? Apparently it's this: (1) Diagnose; (2) Run like hell; (3) Hit somebody.

It's beautiful in it's simplicity, like some kind of "Zen" football. In fact, I think it would make an excellent Haiku:

While reading the play,

I run like hell down the field

to hit somebody

I'm already getting antsy for opening day.

Another Sidebar Link

So I'm reading through some of the old posts, making sure I didn't miss any comments, when I found a rather nice post by Christi A. Foist. They say that curiosity killed the cat, but I'm really more of a dog person anyway. So, what the hell...I bopped on over to her site.

I always enjoy finding new sites to check out, but I have to say that I really enjoyed Notes from the Navel. Especially Christi's narrative voice. Among other things, I learned how to rid my house of fruit flies, using a mixture of vinegar, sugar, and dish soap. (Which also, if I'm not mistaken, comes right after 'curiosity' on the 'things that killed the cat' list.) I even learned that sometimes she gets free money from places where she used to work, which is really cool because usually all you get are letters that say things like "Stop coming here," and "Your high-pitched sobbing is scaring customers away." Or...you know...that's what I've heard.

But then I read her explanation for "outing" herself as a Republican: "...lately I've gotten so sick of putting up with it quietly. That or I'm growing balls big enough to own my politics like a man." And I knew that...quite possibly...I was in love. (Of course, that's assuming the growing big balls thing is figuratively speaking, because that's a surprise that no man wants to go through twice.)

So, I'm hoping that Christi has no problem with me adding a link to her blog on my sidebar. Do yourself a favor and check it out.

Hey...Wanna See Something REALLY Scary?

Then just zip on over to RetroCrush, where you can find a list of the 100 scariest movie scenes of all time. There are some glaring errors (#51 should clearly be ranked much higher) and omissions (What? Nothing from the original Dawn of The Dead? Good Lord, what's wrong with these people? In my opinion, that's the zombie film that has yet to be topped.) but the commentary is informative and funny. I would, however, argue that it's a misnomer to call them the "scariest," since some of them are simply gruesome, and some are just disturbing. To me there's a big difference between, say the red eyes at the window in The Amityville Horror (scares), and Jason Vorhees hacking someone in two (gory).

Try to guess the film from just the thumbnail pic provided. I missed 12 out of the 100, which isn't bad considering: a) some of the pictures are very small, and b) some don't actually appear to be from the film(!)

I'll post the numbers that I missed in the comments section. I'll be impressed if someone gets #83 (I did). I'll be even more impressed if someone gets #81 (I didn't). But I'll be supremely impressed if you can get #6 (I did).

If you have some ones that you think should have been included, or problems with the ranking, sound off in the comments section.

If You Listened To A Radio In The '80s...

I have some sad news for you. Singer Laura Branigan (Gloria, Self Control) passed away in her sleep from a brain aneurysm last Thursday. Although I didn't listen to her music (except on the radio) I have to say that I still remember all the words to Gloria. ("If everybody wants you, why isn't anybody calling?")

To me, she'll always be mud-wrestling Monica, from the '80s camp film Mugsy's Girls.

link via drudge.

That Sound You Hear...

is the slow leak that will eventually result in the deflation of the Democratic party's choice for President. In an update to the story I posted a day or so ago, the Chicago Sun-Times is now reporting that Former Navy Secretary John Lehman "has no idea where a Silver Star citation displayed on Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry's campaign Web site came from," even though Lehman's signature is on it.

"It is a total mystery to me. I never saw it. I never signed it. I never approved it. And the additional language it contains was not written by me," he said.

Now this could easily be explained away by attributing the signature to an autopen, a device that officially "signs" documents in government/businesses, were it not for a couple of things.

1. We've seen this kind of "discrepancy" waaaay too often from Kerry's record. And even more damning...

2. This is the third citation, and each one has had a different signature, and different content.

This issue is so far beyond the qualifier "oh, what does it matter, it's not going to affect the undecided anyway," that Kerry absolutely needs to authorize the release of any and all records pertaining to his service. The fact that he is not tripping over himself to do so, if only to address the growing concerns of his own party, indicates to me that there's something in them that he doesn't want us to see. I can't imagine how anything can be worse that what we've seen already.

I'd almost feel sorry for the guy, if he hadn't put himself in this mess.

Thanks to instapundit.

Meetings With Remarkable People

A couple of you have asked: "Hey...DS...Why no pictures of you on the blog?"

After thinking about it, I realized that was unfair of me. So I've decided to post some pictures of me with some of my favorite people, my "brushes with greatness," if you will. Enjoy!


Here I am with Natalie Portman. (I'm the one on the left.) Look at that doofus in the background. Hey, buddy! Quit lookin' at Natalie's ass and get outta my picture!



And here's me and Misty, taking it to the Germans in a little mixed doubles side-bet game.



Here I am with fellow Irish Colin Farrell, playing our old game "What does my finger smell like?" (He's NEVER gonna get this one!)



"No...YOU da man! What? Oh, I see...you were being literal. My bad."

Just Take A Minute

I'm not big on causes, but I did hear about this one, which I think is worthwhile. They don't ask for any money; just a moment of your time. The website, vietnamdogtags.com, was started by Stacy Hansen, who purchased a number of American military dog tags while in Vietnam. She's looking to return them to the owners or their families. She's already managed to return 300. If you served there, lost a family member there, or know someone who did, just take a minute and check the list of names.

If you have dog tags, you can also submit them to her to be included on the list.

Some New Additions

I added two new links on the sidebar.

Antimedia, because he does such a great job with research. Anyone who wants to see what the press isn't reporting regarding the Kerry/Swift Boat Veterans issue should check here.

I also added Ricky Prado's Timshel, because although we obviously don't see eye to eye politically--he's gonna hate the post directly below this one--he fights fair, and I respect that.

Wow...

This one just blew me away. From the Chicago Sun-Times:

The DD214 form, an official Defense Department document summarizing Kerry's military career posted on johnkerry.com, includes a "Silver Star with combat V."

But according to a U.S. Navy spokesman, "Kerry's record is incorrect. The Navy has never issued a 'combat V' to anyone for a Silver Star."

Naval regulations do not allow for the use of a "combat V" for the Silver Star, the third-highest decoration the Navy awards. None of the other services has ever granted a Silver Star "combat V," either.

This is pretty damning, no matter how you look at it. The article goes on to wonder why Kerry has three separate citations for the same medal, and criticizes the fact that, despite requests, about 100 pages of Kerry's military record remain unavailable.

What could that more than 100 pages contain? Questions have been raised about President Bush's drill attendance in the reserves, but Bush received his honorable discharge on schedule. Kerry, who should have been discharged from the Navy about the same time -- July 1, 1972 -- wasn't given the discharge he has on his campaign Web site until July 13, 1978. What delayed the discharge for six years?

This raises serious questions about Kerry's performance while in the reserves that are far more potentially damaging than those raised against Bush. (emphasis mine.)

Does all this mean Kerry lied about the silver star? (Which, by the way, is the one medal I haven't criticized him for.) Not necessarily.

Experts point out that even the official military records get screwed up. Milavic is trying to get mistakes in his own DD214 file corrected. In his opinion, "these entries are not prima facie evidence of lying or unethical behavior on the part of Kerry or anyone else with screwed-up DD214s."

However, the question then remains... If it is simply "a mistake," then why hasn't Kerry set the record straight himself? Frankly, at this point, I find it hard not to blame this on Kerry. It's yet another fabrication in a long list of fabrications about this man's military service. Are we supposed to write them all off as "mistakes"? Meanwhile, the SBVT are continuously called "liars" and worse, yet with every passing day, their version seems much stronger.

Much thanks to antimedia for the link.

Orf???

From my current read, Richard Preston's The Demon in the Freezer:

There are two principal kinds of poxviruses: the poxes of vertebrates and the poxes of insects. Pox hunters have so far discovered mousepox, monkeypox, skunkpox, pigpox, goatpox, camelpox, cowpox, pseudo-cowpox, buffalopox, gerbilpox, several deerpoxes, chamoispox, a couple of sealpoxes, turkeypox, canarypox, pigeonpox, starlingpox, peacockpox, sparrowpox, juncopox, mynahpox, quailpox, parrotpox, and toadpox. There's mongolian horsepox, a pox called Yaba monkey tumor, and a pox called orf. There's dolphinpox, penguinpox, two kangaroopoxes, raccoonpox, and quokkapox. (The quokka is an Australian wallaby.) Snakes catch snakepox, spectacled caimans suffer from spectacled caimanpox, and crocodiles get crocpox.

What? No chickenpox?

UPDATE: Ken and I were discussing this mysterious pox named Orf. We're pretty sure it's named Orf because that's the only sound you get to make before it kills you.

OSRIC: "What ho, Theodoric! Thou doesn't looketh too good. What be ye ailment?"
THEODORIC: ".....Orf!!" (drops dead)

Somebody Owes Thurlow An Apology

If you'll remember, (and you probably will because for some reason this is the part of the story that the press decided to cover) Larry Thurlow was the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth member whose claims that there was no enemy fire the day that John Kerry got his bronze star were supposedly refuted by Thurlow's own medal citation. The cry went out from Kerry supporters everywhere--"Aha!" they said, "we've debunked him!" But unlike the Kerry camp, which backpedals like a unicyclist on a tightrope every time some blogger logs into Lexis-Nexis, Thurlow stood by his version of events. His answer? Of course the paperwork backed Kerry's version--Kerry wrote it. Yet the media made it look like he was ducking.

Was he?

Thanks to Talking Issues Forum (via antimedia), we can now enjoy the text of John Kerry's 1971 testimony to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee:

Kerry told the committee on April 22, 1971, "...I can recall often sending in the spot reports hich we made after each mission..."

So by his own testimony, we know that Kerry "often" submitted spot reports, like the one the citations would have been based on. Still, that doesn't necessarily mean they are unreliable, right?

When asked about the reliability of military sources, such as those spot reports, Kerry had this to say:

"I had direct experience with that. Senator, I had direct experience with that and I can recall often sending in the spot reports which we made after each mission; and including the GDA, gunfire damage assessments, in which we would say, maybe 15 sampans sunk or whatever it was. And I often read about my own missions in the Stars and Stripes and the very mission we had been on had been doubled in figures and tripled in figures.

Kerry later added, "I also think men in the military, sir, as do men in many other things, have a tendency to report what they want to report and see what they want to see."

And refresh my memory...just who were those men "often" reporting what they want to report?

Thurlow stood by his version, and now--at least in my mind--he looks all the better for it.

She Can't Have Her Cake And Edith Too

Okay, it's a terrible pun. But you should have seen the one I was going to use.

BOSTON (AP) - A woman who agreed to have a child with her lesbian partner, but split up with the mother before the baby's birth, cannot be forced to pay child support, the state's highest court ruled Wednesday.

I thought we were striving for equality here, people! Where's the term "deadbeat"? Where's the wage garnishment?

Hey, I'll be glad to say "Welcome to the wonderful world of legalized marriage." Just be careful what you wish for. You can't just cherry-pick the institution. That's why people talk about the "sanctity" of marriage and the "family values." Because there's a responsibility involved. You can't call the whole thing off just because you had a fight over who left the toilet seat up.

Okay, I'm being facetious. But this woman makes me angry. And she ought to make those of you out there who support legalizing same-sex marriages furious. Women like B.L. do nothing but prove the point for the other side.

And the wackiest thing about this whole case is when you look at it in relation to the post I made a while back. In this present case, the agreement between the two women to raise a child is not considered an "enforceable contract."

In the other case,

Despite an agreement that appeared to be a binding contract, the father is obligated to provide financial support, the court decided.

"It is the interest of the children we hold most dear,'" wrote Senior Judge Patrick Tamalia.

Right.

So, in the case of the lesbians, "B.L.", despite having made an agreement to raise the child, gets to skip town. But according to the logic of the other case, the guy who ponied up the man-juice for B.L and L.T. could find himself having to pay for the next 18 years.

It's sooo overused...But sometimes "What the Fuck?" is just right.

And Yet We Still Can't Cure Cancer

On the lighter side, though...It'll be fun to get really drunk and try to say the word "aluminum."


Pittsburgh BrewingCompany, makers of Iron City beer, unveiled a new aluminum beer bottle at a news conference in Pittsburgh, Tuesday, Aug. 24, 2004. The brewery has partnered with Alcoa Inc., the world's largest aluminum maker, to produce aluminum bottles that keep beer colder for longer, Alcoa officials said. (AP Photo/John Heller)

Random Thoughts On The Olympics

Television with attractive women is like crack to me. Seriously, I'd watch a show about slaughtering a pig if the slaughtering was done by attractive women in bikinis. Before the Olympics, all I heard was Jennie Finch, Jennie Finch, Jennie Finch. Well I watched every freakin' televised softball game and let me tell you--I didn't see no Jennie Finch! I did, however, get to see that Katherine Heigl lookalike, southpaw Cat Osterman. Beautiful girl, but "paw" is right. Did you see that girl's hands? Jeez-us. Not only can she throw a screaming change-up, she can swat salmon out of a running stream. That girl's gonna make someone a fine wife.

Is it really fair to let the Greeks compete in Greco-Roman Wrestling?

I saw that MSNBC was offering "Olympic highlights, past and future." Man, there's some bettin' money to be made there, I'm sure.


"Oh, sure...I may look tough, but inside, I'm just a little girl, like any other--made out of sugar and spice, testoterone, steroids, and something else I can't pronounce...."

I know some people find Svetlana Khorkina attractive, but to me she looks kinda like a bird-woman, like you'd find on the Island of Dr. Moreau. And that name...Khorkina. That's the sound my sister's cat makes when it's coughin' up something.

Speaking of names... Logan Tom. A woman who, the angrier she gets, the sexier she gets. Plus, she has the name most fun to say backwards.

Best Olympic athlete name: Aussie diver Loudy Tourky

Names most likely to end up on a Leno Segment about cutsie weddings:Mia Hamm, soccer, and Cameron Baerg, rowing. (The Hamm-Baerg wedding...get it? Oh yeah? You're so smart, YOU try doing something with these names. For the love of God...Some of them have no vowels!)

Name you don't want to see on your medical report--Stubby Clapp, baseball.


Without Uday, the plucky Iraqis just couldn't find the will to win. Sure, they tried hitting themselves with hammers, and attaching the electrodes to their genitals themselves....but it just wasn't the same.

Saw this new Olympic sport. Women jumping on a trampoline. Sweet...the Olympic committee finally got to my suggestions. That means we should be seeing Synchronized Pole Dancing, the Stand and Jiggle, and Office Chair Bowling by 2008!!

Caption This! Part Eight

"Left foot, right foot...don't pull a Ford. Left foot, right foot, don't pull a Ford..."

Has Rahajee Been Writing His Speeches??**

Someone should get John Kerry a dictionary. This is from his speech to the VFW in Cincinnati:

"For example, why are we withdrawing unilaterally 12,000 troops from the Korean peninsula at the very time that we are negotiating with North Korea, a country that really has nuclear weapons?"

Unilaterally? Is Kerry suggesting that we now need approval from another country to withdraw our own troops? Or maybe he just forgot we were talking about withdrawing troops, and just fell back on the ol' reliable inserting troops speech?

Regardless, it didn't go over too well with some of the audience:

While Kerry received applause from the audience, some in the crowd signaled their displeasure with the candidate. There was at least one heckler, and two men stood with their backs to Kerry during his speech.

"He turned his back on his comrades in Vietnam, so I turn my back on him," Jere Hill, one of the men told CNN.

** Note: Only about two people in the world will get the joke in the title...but I bet they're laughing at it right now.

You Heard It Here First, Folks

That is, if you're a regular reader. Seems like National Review Online's Donald Luskin just released an article backing my analysis of the CBO report.

Finally, the Journal eliminated a critical word from the Democrats’ press release — “2004.” The Democrats were clear that they were talking about a particular point in time, while the Journal made it sound as though the analysis applied to all time. The corporate provisions of the 2002 tax cut expire after 2004, so the extreme numbers focused on by the Democrats settle down considerably in 2005 and thereafter.

He also relays the content of a discussion he had with CBO staff:

This week I spoke with several senior staff members at the Congressional Budget Office. “Stunned” is how they feel about what the media has done with their report. “Frustrated" is how they feel about the media’s utter lack of willingness to let the report’s authors tell the story about what the report really says.

See? You don't need all that fancy book learnin'--just come on over and let ol' D.S. tell you what's what. Bring your friends. Stay awhile.


p.s.--I would also like to point out that my post predates Luskin's article by two days. Not bad, considering he's a chief investment officer for an investment research firm, who can get the CBO on the phone and I can barely make change. Am I gloating? Hell, yeah! I admire the hell out of some of these guys who write on the web and what they do. I just beat everybody (as far as I know) to the punch. This will almost certainly never happen again, so just shut up and give me my damn moment.

p.p.s.--Except for The Insurrectionist, who left a comment backing me up because he knows a sharp argument when he reads it. Well, an argument, anyway.

Just To Let You All Know...

There may be a post shortage for a little while. This last weekend, a colleague/friend of mine passed away after a long battle with cancer. I didn't get a chance to know him very well, but wish that I had. We shared a love of film and bragged to each other about our film collections. He was a very nice man and my sympathy goes out to his family.

Even more devastating was the news we got this morning--a member of our extended family passed away from a heart attack. He was only 48. It's one of those things that just numbs you because you just don't see it coming and when it happens, you can't believe it. And you begin thinking about your own life. You realize that even though you've planned your life out and have visions of retirement, and fatherhood, and grandfatherhood, and the years ahead...well, that's no guarantee that you're going to get any of those things. It's a sobering realization that you will not exist someday. That your life will be over and the lives of your family and friends will be irrevocably altered. It's even more sobering to imagine that "someday" might be a lot closer than you think.

So, for the next couple of days, we're going to try to support those most affected by the loss, and there may not be much here. But you never know--I really look forward to informing you all, or making you laugh with the things I write here. At a time like this, it might be just the thing I need.

Oprah Voir Dire

Sounds like some kind of yummy Cajun dish, no? Actually, it's just the news that Oprah has been selected as a juror in a murder case. You'd think they wouldn't pick her. Not because she's rich or anything, just because she'd be a) too distracting in the courtroom, and b) too intimidating in the deliberation room.

I picture something like this:

"Miss Foreperson, has the jury reached a verdict?"
"Oh yeah, girlfriend! But first...Everybody look under their seats! We've got gift baskets with some hair products, and a certificate for a free cruise! Except for you over there behind the table...You won't be needin' yours. But we threw in a couple of cartons of cigarettes, and a book by Martha Stewart on how to turn your old toothbrush into a handy shiv, and how to make raisin wine in your toilet."