Paging Dr. Obama, Dr. Fine, Dr. Obama!

Maybe I'm just not watching enough of Obama. Maybe I'm missing the speeches where he actually talks about what he's going to do instead of hand out a bunch of empty rhetoric about hope and change and hoping for change and believing in hope to change beliefs.

Can you imagine, say, a surgeon trying to get away with that?

Shooting Victim: Ah...Doc! You've got to help me!

Dr. Obama: Yes. I'm here to help you. You weren't being helped before but I will change that because I'm here to help.

Shooting Victim: I'm bleeding...I don't want to die!

Dr. Obama: In the past there have been many people who were bleeding. Abraham Lincoln was bleeding. John Kennedy was bleeding. Martin Luther King, Jr., who doesn't look like those other two, was bleeding as well.

Shooting Victim: But...but they all died!

Dr. Obama: In the past, many people died. Americans are tired of people dying. People died a lot when other doctors were in charge. I believe we can work together to stop people from dying.

Shooting Victim: Oh, God! I'm really losing a lot of blood here!

Dr. Obama: You are bleeding now, but when I help you, things will change--you won't be bleeding in the future.

Shooting Victim: So...you're going to operate?

Dr. Obama: I remember when I was young, and my grandfather had an operation. I hoped he would get better, and he did. It was then that I knew that hope could make people better. It's why I became a doctor. To hope and change the future.

Shooting Victim: I'm beginning to think that you're not a real doctor. Have you even operated on anyone before?

Dr. Obama: You know...other people have said that I'm not an experienced doctor. They said "he wears his stethoscope upside down." They said "he's got a different color lab coat..."

Shooting Victim: You're not answering the question.

Dr. Obama: You have to ask yourself: "what do I want?" Do you want more of the same kind of doctors you've had in the past? Ones who have had patients who have died? Or someone without a lot of "experience" who has never lost a patient? Now, c'mon...let's go operate!

Shooting Victim: Um...aren't you going to do any tests first?

Dr. Obama: I'm planning on performing some fact-finding tests after the operation, which will refine and confirm my present position. And while I'm there, I'll stop off and see the lab technicians.

Shooting Victim: Oh, so the technicians are also your patients?

Dr. Obama: Well, no. The the technicians are not technically patients...but aren't we all patients of the world? Anyway, the technicians really love me. Whenever I go there, they treat me like I'm the president...of the hospital. They cheer and clap and I apologize for the other doctors and the patients giving them all those tests to do. They don't seem to much like the other doctors and patients.

Shooting Victim: Well, without doctors and patients, the techs wouldn't have a lot to do.

Dr. Obama: And without change, the future will be like the past.

Shooting Victim: (flatline beep)